congratulations sailer
you made it to Friday!
Each week he greets me unexpectedly: Two yellow-green eyes perched atop a cherry-red smiling face, dressed in a simple blue polo and jeans before a crimson bamboo-print background. The familiar façade of Mr. Krabs emerges onto my Twitter feed like a bright seashell on a stormy beach. Flanking him above and below is white text reading “congratulations sailer / you made it to Friday!” in a signature whimsical Spongebob font. For 25 precious seconds, an innocently joyful accordion melody accompanies the static image in a Twitter video put out by the account dedicated to this exact task.
Yet again, it is Friday in this hellscape we call the United States. The incalculability of the time that precedes us is only matched by the uncertainty of the time to come. Doomscrolling has become a way of life, with pandemic news overshadowed by election news overshadowed by coup news. Each week I tell myself it can’t get worse, and each week it somehow does. We have, improbably, completed close to a full orbit of the Sun this way. I don’t have to tell you how bad it’s been—You can look around and see.
Einstein was the first to theorize relativity, but Mr. Krabs’ weekly reappearance proves it. Seeing him brings about the familiar feeling of entering a dream I know I’ve had before but only remember in the moment. The last time I saw him seems like ages ago, yet stands out as one of the few moments of uncompromised happiness I experience regularly. I am, as the text implies, a helpless sailer swirling about in the stormy seas of modern life. Mr. Krabs is an anchor: A singular, repetitive entity mooring me in time and space.
My deep emotional connection with a smiling cartoon crab comes from the inadvertent rupture of the barrier of cynicism I put in place whenever I go online. Interrupting a steady stream of meaningless hot takes, tragic news, and empty arguments, Mr. Krabs reminds us that despite the universe’s best efforts, we have managed to trod through the swampy bog of one week. His hopeful smile rewards us for our perseverance; The accordion is our half-minute victory soundtrack.
Whether you’re reading this on a Friday or not, I urge you to take these 25 seconds to watch the full video. Realize that Mr. Krabs is right to commend you: You are living through incredibly tough times, and the mere act of making it one more week is worth recognition. Congratulations, sailer.